We are in unprecedented times, plaque, death and loss of life, liberty and physical social interaction. This will not be in my usual style. As it is diary based; to keep me sane, to keep everyone else in my household saner.  This is following on from my last blog, https://ukqu.co.uk/the-cheap-procrastinator-stitch-diary-in-lockdown-1-13-days/ we are two weeks in lockdown. This one is less edited and may contain spelling errors, it is written raw, on a day to day bases.

Let me give you some history first. A lady called Hannah Clair Somerville : https://hannahclairesomerville.com/section/427830-1-year-of-stitches-2016.html set herself a challenge to fill an embroidery hoop with a few stitches a day. My textiles tutor at the time suggested some of us have a go, and the group Jan’s stitch a day was formed https://www.facebook.com/groups/677306469110376/. At a recent sewing group meet up before, we went into lockdown someone suggested we do a lockdown stitch-a-day. I have bad mental health at the best of time, and a person I was talking to suggested I write a diary. Hence, I have started my stitch down diary.

Day 14: No I haven’t missed a day. Got my first dates wrong. Back to Bullion stitch again variegated perle..Got to love the perles.

Diary Entry: I have been dealing with a massive headache today, still trying to function. I have chosen to do billion knot again because of my bad head. I have placed them in the cage because I feel caged in mainly because of my headache.

I stood in the garden today cutting strips of fabric on my baby go cutter. Hard because of the wind but I needed the fresh air. Said hello a random few people walking past some replied, some did not. Give it a few more weeks, and everybody be a grateful of a hello.

My knots are spilling from the cage because my headache has spilled over onto my creativity today. Tears also spilled from my eyes as I laid on my husbands lap, dazed, confused, exhausted. All out of spoons both emotionally and physically. Hubby has been zombie like today as well. Is this stuff really going on?

On the plus side, we now get an NHS volunteer assigned to us. Again, I was a bit emotional when I receive the call. Despite all the selfish people out there. The good far outweighs the bad.

Day 15: French Knot in the middle with variegated Peale thread and one row of double thread, double knots with Perle variegated.

Diary Entry: I have chosen knots today because today I have been, tied up in knots. My husband received a message from work he is going to be furloughed we were panicking as we were not sure how we were going to pay the bills. Luckily it was okay, the company have decided use the furlough scheme from the government, so the government are going to pay the 80% and the company will pay the rest. He will be furloughed out for one month and then work the following and his colleague will work one month until the following. One big relief all round.

Today is the first of the month for us with regarding cleaning and my OCD it’s a full house clean, dining room chairs moved around – they are heavy and I cannot change them every week – bathroom tiles scrubbed and kitchen walls as well walls and cupboards. All those little extra spots we only do once and a while unless they need them sooner.

When I first thought about doing a knots the plan was to have them scattered all over my work, but as they formed they became a flower, blooming not wanting to be held down so I let them develop that way.

On the scrub front, been answering the messages again, lots of them. I now cannot wait to get my fabric so I can start to sew. To make a difference in someone’s life right now. Even if in these coming weeks I only manage to make one pair, I will be grateful.

Day 16: Fishbone Stitch two strand thread.

Diary Entry: A more gentle stitch tonight, as today I have been in a very fragile mood. It was hubby’s birthday. The girls made him a cake. The card I ordered came on time. It was the best it could of been under the present climate.

I on the other hand have been struggling with frustration all day. Not being able to go across the shop and get what I need or what I fancy. Having to rely on someone else when they consider your needs inferior to their own is hard.

This is how it is going to be when I get old and senile, kill me now. Trying to explain to husband that if he fancied a packet of cigarettes he could go get some and it was okay for him. I just fancied a sausage roll to eat but no one considered that any of their concern. I will be breaking the shielding soon, at this point if I get it and die I do not care.

My husband said I am worse now with my food cravings, than when I was pregnant. No I am not, I just can’t get things for myself now so he is only just noticing. Maybe he will notice me more. Not sure, I want him too. Just want inner and personal space right now. Even my happy place is no longer a safe space.

And the tears they come again.

Day 17: Woven Filling Stitch with floss thread.

Diary Entry: Today has been a day of mixed blessings. My head hurt this morning so stayed in bed, Aubrey took Deanna shopping and Kira remained asleep. I could breathe. A nice three and a half hours worth of peace and quiet. Then the post came, a lovely gift from a friend. Thank you it is very much appreciated, even hubby picked it up and had a glance. The card now sits over my fireplace as the colours match. The gift was a magazine entitled breathe, she had been reading my posts and gave me a gentle hug thought the post bless her.

Today’s stitch is woven filling stitch chosen to look like a little fence. The floss was a nightmare to work with, which was hindered by my phone is going ping, ping, ping, ping, ping with more messages and Facebook posts regard the subgroup and the scrubs.

I completed several pieces of sewing today, I’m quite happy with myself. Finished my challenge set in week two set by Cas Holmes. https://www.facebook.com/groups/stitchchallenge/learning_content/?filter=2710478889238457

Based off a Picture taken in West Runton, in Norfolk. I printed the picture onto fabric. Some of the fabric added I distressed with a heat gun. The book is a favourite of mine when I was a teenager in school. My English teacher encouraged me to read wider, something I continue to do today. I like to see both sides of the story, from different points of view.

No actual book was harmed in the process of this work, I photocopied the front cover and added it to felt. Covered the page in clear gesso to age and burnt the bottom.

Headache back tonight, just so wiped out, but despite the pain. A blessed day.

Day 18: Palestrina Stitch, Perle thread, pink.

Diary Entry: Today my stitch is knots, I have discovered I like knots and I have been busy, tied up in knots.

There is something very gratifying about doing a knot stitch, you have to slow down, you have to take your time and you have to concentrate. I am finding that it helps me at the end of the day relax my mind and I am able to breathe, it is nice seeing a chain form and the work develop.

I bit like the progress I have made today, the admin role has become easier, although the group is expanding. I have not started making scrubs yet, that comes next week, others have made scrubs because they have had fabric. I am little bit envious but I am taking this time to put the building blocks in place both at home and on the group so that I can separate the tasks and not get over run.

I spoke to the doctor today about my mental and a few other issues with my Crohns. Feel better now. I do not feel completely abandoned by the medical field now, which has helped. Still this headache persists. Not as debilitating as before and I can have some function with it.

I was naughty today, I escaped the house (giggle). I went in the car with Aubrey to pick up some scrubs a lady had made. My house is now the drop zone, yes I get to see different people safely.

My one concern going into lock down was the isolation. Today has shown friends do not have to be in your space to support you. For that I am I’m grateful. God Bless.

Day 19: Coughing Stitch with perle thread, and perle variegated thread.

Diary Entry: Today’s stitch is coughing, this represents the many ways, in which so far my Covid path, a journey which I have taken since the start of lockdown begun. Forward, backwards around the bend. Finding a balance, using that balance to proceed.

Admin work for the group is steadying, apart from rush hour, which seems to be from 7-10 at night. I am learning to step away then from the computer and needing to.

It is Easter Friday, not that it makes any difference what day of the week we are on right now. To me it is a Friday so it is washing night.

I did some machine embroidery digitising today as someone wanted some little words doing in their handwriting. I have not done any in ages. It was a nice change and away to balanced and focus.

I also made homemade bread (no yeast) and homemade burgers for dinner. Kira is eating better and that is helping me. Aubrey however, is at a loss. He really does not know what to do. Things like the house we can’t do as no paint, no way of building much needed shelves, no wood. They say stay at home but nothing to do for him is driving him nuts. It is adding to my worry.

Day 20: Chain Stitch, three strand thread.

Diary Entry: Today’s stitch represents crazy paving and everything is linked.

Headache today that won’t go away, stopped me doing some things and causing issue for others.

Hubby is struggling, he didn’t want to go do the shopping, thank goodness for the NHS volunteers.

Been rowing with him today. Told him he needed to get off his backside and help with the house. As when he did have time off again it will still be here. So he has some shelving, I have been asking for these for the last 10 years.

Baby steps. A very dull painful hazy day. One step at a time, and the journey continues.

Day 21: Couching- Bokhara, three strand grey thread.

Diary Entry: Where did the sun go? It was lovely weather this morning, then hubby mowed the grass and the Sun disappeared became grey and dull. My plans to sit and write in the garden were dampened; it felt too cold to just sit.

A nap on the cough was called for. Much needed after lots of sleepless nights.

Admin for the group is easing steady flow now. However, come Tuesday when all things open – that can- it will be all go again.

Hubby has been playing with the shelves we picked up yesterday and will fit them tomorrow. He is a little more positive although moaning about going wanting to go back to work. He and countless other I guess as well.

So why this stitch, I like couching (naps included). I have never tried it, and it reminded me of a basket stitch. I choose grey because of the colour of the day. Again could be a wooden basket colour.

It is Easter Sunday, and I never normally go to church, twice maybe three times a year if I think about it. However, found myself wanting to take part in Holy Communion today. To be part of a widen body of people. I never watch worship on the television. It bores me. Nevertheless, it would have been nice to sing some hymns with a few others.

I did a bit more work on my week three challenge set by Emily Tull. The Eye. https://www.facebook.com/groups/stitchchallenge/learning_content/?filter=2950345085023492

Well off to soak for a bit in the bath then drown in the television.

Easter Blessings to you all.

Day 22: stem Stitch-Encroaching, four thread two colour stranded.

Diary Entry: It is a Monday it is cleaning day so not much has been done really, working round hubby putting up the shelves, 8 hours and still going.

Today’s stitch is encroaching stem stitch with four strands, two strands of separate shades of green. Happy with the way this one turned out. I have the right texture and the right shape. If only today could have been just as easier.

All I want to do is snuggle in front of the television, however got to wait for hubby to finish so I can wash the kitchen floor. If I wash it first he will walk dusty everywhere.

Sometimes I wish I had more patience, and was not so OCD.

Day 23: Needleweaving – Open Base Picot, three thread.

Diary Entry: Up early, wow cannot cope and I am in shock, well not completely but my husband is. Already did an hour admin before getting out of bed at 9.

Then a conference call with another member about a project I am running. It is all a bit hush, hush so cannot talk about it until this is over.

Seemed really manic, met my “boss”. The woman who set up the scrubs group in this area, she seemed nice. My scrub kit has arrived along with the fabric I ordered myself. Was all set to sew today.

Then bam.

Just wiped, needed to sleep, two hours later still struggling to come round and function. I so hate Fibromyalgia, especially when it does that to me. I have no control. I am still struggling now.

The stitch I have chosen which I enjoyed and will play around and do more was Needleweaving. Interesting under and over compositions, a bit like me today, over and under.

Aubrey mended an overlocker and got really involved with setting the tension. It was nice to see. He finished the shelves yesterday. Therefore, that was a great relief. Eldest took one look and mentioned they were not in order. We told her they were done that way so she could sort them out later. She was happy. Oh the small things.

My head is a wash, my body worn out. I think my body is saying sleep. However, my head is too busy doing the marathon. Why is it all or nothing with fibromyalgia. On the plus I am drained and apart from my headache. I am so far not in pain.

Small blessings.

Day 24: Split Stitch, 4 strand wool thread.

Diary Entry: Been a very busy day this morning I traced out a pattern for a medium pair of scrubs and this afternoon I managed to make the top, bit disappointed in myself because I haven’t completed both top and bottoms.. I just got too tired.

My sewing room doubles as the living room so it has to be cleared away at the end of a sewing session.

Deanna and hubby did the shopping today, Aubrey can cope with driving. But not shopping. Deanna can cope with shopping. She says people are nicer now, being polite and moving out the way. No one bumps into her or pushes her. Autism eat your heart out.

Managed today without a nap. Took it steady. Even played my music load and danced around while pattern cutting. Felt very freeing, not just for my body, but for d my mind as well.

Kira is struggling; I am getting worried about her again. She’s desperately lonely and conflicted It breaks my heart.

After a lovely bath I decided I would do today’s stitch. Split stitch and turned it into a rose. Purple a colour of balance. Split stitch because I am being split into different directions. Yet not being pulled apart. Alternating pathways on the same journey.

Day 25: invisible stitch, cannot tell how many threads. As it’s invisible.

Diary Entry: No sewing today because I was sorting loft and paperwork out. So wiped out and in pain after shower. Just making a rough note here.

Been a hard day. Nevertheless, it has been productive. Only husbands corner to sort out now. That is on him.

Tomorrow I hope to sew the trousers. Will see might just have a no fuss day. Need to write some letters so if weather nice I think I will sit in the garden.

Bless for the day. And oh the joys, another three weeks of lock down has been declared.

Stay safe.

Day 26: Sheaf Filling Stitch, three strand thread. Also know as Faggot Filling. Stitch.

Diary Entry: Today I did end up suffering because of yesterday. Fatigued the whole day. This morning I was hoping to sew but daughter was asleep in living room and husband a sleep in dining room. So I did some hand sewing instead. I worked some more on my eye challenge. Taking longer because I get tired doing a few stitches because I think I need new glasses.

Admin side of the scrub group has slowed down which is good. People are busy sewing.

Aubrey was productive today, he sorted his corner out. Dining room doesn’t look great but better. I feel better in my head. Even if today, my body is entering full on fibromyalgia flare up. Not surprised pushed it.

Today’s stitch represents, or was meant to be a pile of firewood. Instead it went its own route. So we will see where it takes me. The journey of conflicting emotions, highs and lows, pain and no pain and doubt.

I tried to be productive today but what I should of done was allowed myself time to just sit and watch television without feeling guilty, instead of trying to do other things and none of them very well.

Sometimes you have to be, and just be. Like my stitches, they just are.

Day 27: Grantios Stitch, perle thread.

Diary Entry: What a day, should have just stayed in bed. It was beset with small disasters, frustrating mishaps and mania. Even before getting up and while doing the admin for the scrub group on my phone there was an issue. I will help everyone and not all of us are blessed with all skills. Technology being one of them. I had posted a group message for all new members to check there Facebook messenger. This one person said they were struggling, so I gave the instructions where to look for both the PC on the phone. Then they messaged me on messages to tell me they could not find my message on messenger. Okay that was the start of the day.

Get up and knock cornflakes in floor, tried to set up sewing and box went everywhere. Little mishaps and small issues. Then as I finally sit down to sew hubby announces its lunch.

Lunch eaten, went on group to discover our local hospital was so short of A&E gowns that they were putting a call out for bedding. Bedding came, not just to me but also to others around the town, as well as to the hospital. That was it. Full out manic of directing members to getting gown patterns. As well as approving over 30 new members. The group (as of writing this) has 415 members. I have messaged each one at least once. So I have been dealing with messages about fabric, patterns collection points etc. Full on.

I left the pc to make these scrub trousers. My first practice pair going to my auntie. Well I put the pockets in wrong. So rather than unpick I just cut them off. I did get them finished but it took forever between the pc and drop offs. We have a wardrobe for people to use now

Like I said I was manic mood, backwards and forwards. I get like this sometimes. Normally when I sew I don’t go backwards and forwards. However, today just was manic.

Finally eased off about 8 after tea. Most had their fabric ready to gown sew again tomorrow.

I used to hate this town. But I am humbled by what the people are doing to support our hospitals. I know one thing there will be a shortage of sheets as the medical staff will all be wearing one. One nurse wants the Teenage Ninja Turtle bedding as her gown, I will make that for her with pleasure.

Back on pc, then shower and sewing. And the day slowly down.

I have again chosen a knot stitch. They are meant to be smaller according to the book. But these ones I want larger and bolder. Not sure what they represent, maybe stepping stones, my mind in knots, the group and fabric and gowns and knots. The NHS tying themselves up in knots. Who knows?

Not sure if it is what I have eaten or just a manic day but my stomach is swollen, Crohns again.

Sitting sewing has helped relax me, as well as writing this manic day.

Day 28: Running Stitch, six strand thread in yellow.

Diary Entry: Twenty eight days later…

…Film pun there. Seriously 28 days into lockdown and I’m still semi sane. Today was another manic day. Admin most of the morning for the group while my house slept. Too busy to enjoy the peace and quiet they are sleeping afforded me. A friend dropped some more bedding off and we chatted in the garden while social distancing. Her company was a much-needed respite from the mania that has become my computer life right now. Fear I am losing the balance. Tomorrow is cleaning day, clean house and clean mind from clutter.

Auntie came and got the scrubs I made her, she works as a home carer. So that is a set of scrubs (my test ones), a few face masks (to help protect her clients) and I managed to source a face shield from my daughters boyfriends dad, who is making them for the NHS. Therefore, I have done my best to make her as safe as I can do.

Wash load of donated bedding done and on the line. Went out and did a pick up (yes got out the house again), Aubrey drove. It helped me. Those that I get from are shielding so that helps and we just pick up at end of garden and or drop off too.

Drafted following some gown patterns kindly already made for us. Then I need to cut the bedding tomorrow or Tuesday and make into a gown for a nurse. A specialist request, she would like the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle bedding. Who am I to refuse?

Headache again forever present and I cannot stay away from the chocolate.

Another drop off, we now have a wardrobe in the garden. Therefore, our new address is The White Wardrobe@ (my address).

For some this might not seem manic but for those that know me, know that this is weird for me. I normally cannot do as much. Do not get me wrong. I am feeling the pain and discomfort. Normally would rest. However, both my mind and body will not allow it.

So much to do.

Today’s stitch is running stitch, I worked it over the chain stitch. This today represents the entertainment it requires to keep things going and how if one link breaks things can come crashing down or fall apart. I also used couching in the middle of my blanket stitch to fill in some gaps. It is important that all details are matched up and sorted. Just as in life.