Otherwise entitled – We all turn into our mothers (and fathers).
This is likely to be a bit of a marmite post – it will probably provoke some extreme views. I don’t mean for this post to offend anyone, and I realise that not everyone will have the same experience of this. I also appreciate that whilst some may not be able to relate to it with regard to their parents, maybe it will ring a bell when thinking about other family members: maybe you will recognise things that grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles did that you now do, or maybe you can identify those traits in younger family members that they have picked up from you. The subject resonates particularly with me at the moment, and even more so now than when I first started writing it. My mum would have been 70 on November 16th, and this month also marks two years since she died.
Since being on Facebook I have read countless memes (those little pictures with comments), and some of them have stayed with me, and I have found myself agreeing with them more and more often, and laughing at the truth of it.
You must have seen the sort of thing I am talking about; you know – the ones of the type “I was talking to my children, and I heard my mother coming out of my mouth” – I know I find this happening quite frequently!
So, what do I mean by we all turn into our mothers (and fathers)? Our lives are influenced at a very early age, and those influencing it are those people who bring us up, who look after us. It is inevitable that we end up displaying traits of family members. I see it – and hear it in myself so many times in a day! Those phrases that my mum used to come up with: “I’m not as green as I’m cabbage looking”, “The wind will change and your face will stay like that”, “You’re old enough and ugly enough to know better” – these are just some of the phrases (I’ll give some more a little later, as they are more pertinent to sewing and quilting). My dad had certain phrases – like the many different ways he had of saying goodbye – it was a litany when he started to depart: “Cheerio, gone me, cheery-bygones, toodleloo, toodlepip, thanks for coming across” (my husband has just pointed out that this last salutation is of no relevance to anyone other than those living on an island – and I had never considered it in that way before!). One phrase I particularly remember is “Now she’s going Mr Kingham” – and his dad also used this phrase. I had enough presence of mind 25-30 years ago (when I was in my teens) to ask where this phrase came from, and so now I know, and I use the phrase myself.
I look out across Bideford Bay, and watch boats, ships, yachts coming and going – and I recognise the Trinity House vessels that are responsible for maintaining the buoys. I believe that if he could have done, Dad would have lived life on the water all year round – he was a keen sailor. I find myself totally understanding his desire to see everything in its proper place, rather than things left out all over the place, as I now want items returned as soon as they have been used and I am reluctant to lend my tools if they are not going to be taken care of, or if they are unlikely to be returned. One of my dad’s phrases must have been “When I get around to it” – and I remember seeing a special item on the wall in his office – it was “A Round Tuit” – how many of us could do with one of these?!
I often find myself echoing my grandparents as well – my maternal grandad told the most amazing and interesting stories (some true stories of his life, including when he escaped from the Japanese during the Second World War, and his time on returning to the UK recovering from malaria), and my maternal grandma told us stories from her life, and whilst telling them, seemed to go off on a tangent and tell us another story – which had only a vague link to the first story (and yes, I find myself doing the same). My paternal grandad would make up his own words to popular tunes – and yes, I confess, I do all of these things too.
But it is not just their phrases that I have inherited; it is their love of life, love for life, and my approach to life. My mum was on various committees and I find myself doing the same – so that my young person can enjoy a variety of clubs, without having to worry about whether the club will close. Mum went to a variety of classes herself – and I am doing the same; I’ve started tap-dancing again, and I’m prepared to try lots of different crafts (as I wrote about in an earlier blog). My dad – he was always ready to help others; he was a policeman with the marine unit, and he was also involved with Scouts – being the Venture Scout Leader, and then becoming Group Scout Leader. It came as no real surprise to me that I have been ready to volunteer to help with the local Explorer Scout Unit – in fact, it is as if my Dad has been whispering encouragement in my ear.
My love of craft comes from my parents; my mum sewed, made our clothes, knitted our jumpers – she made my school uniform (the jumpers and pinafores) when I was at primary school (so is it really a surprise that I am now wardrobe mistress for our local AmDram group?!) She did some ribbon weaving, lacemaking, crochet, stained glass work, embroidery and applique. My dad mended sails for his boat, and was a keen woodworker – making sewing boxes for me, my mum and my sister, and making items to help us with our lacemaking. My maternal grandad learned to knit, and made some lace-bobbins for us, his most memorable makes for me were the dolls houses he made – he made the furniture as well. My paternal grandad was also a woodworker, and my paternal grandmother had a tailoring / dressmaking background. The love of wood has come from both sides of my family – the feel of polished wood and the grain of the wood is something that I relish; if I can find a sewing utensil made of wood, that has a lovely feel and beautiful grain, I will have to have it!
The most lasting impression from my mum are some of the phrases she used – those which are so relevant to my quilting / sewing lifestyle: “A blind man would be glad to see it”, and “If at first you don’t succeed, try try again” – these are phrases I live by, and the first phrase is the one that I frequently say at our quilting group.
As a post-script: last week I found myself taking on a role that really is reminiscent of both of my parents. I was voted in as Chairperson of a new group – Friends of the Westward Ho! Park (you may have seen something in the papers about the campaign to save our park). I find myself organising this new group, trying to get it up together. In doing this, I know that I am following in my parents’ footsteps – being on committees, organising things, and fundraising. It must surely be in the genes?!
What an interesting Blog. Thank you. It has made me think about my family phrases. Ooh and my grandmother was a tailor and she taught me to sew. She used to make me dresses and if I wasn’t available for a ‘try on’ for the length of the belt – she would wind it round her ‘ample’ waist and if it fit she would say that will fit our Sooney (my childhood nickname). I was like a lathe and it would go round me about 4 times!!! Little did I know I would grow up to do the same for my granddaughter…. and I look more like my Nan than I like to think (haha), ‘ample’ waist an’ all……
Thank you Sue! More and more frequently I find myself saying and doing things that could be directly from my mum – and also from my dad. I love it that you are doing with your granddaughter what your grandmother did with you!