A few more customerisms from my days in the Shop. I love my job and the talking to likeminded visitors to the shop but many do come out with ‘isms’ that can make me laugh, want to cry or roll my eyes!   Many a time I don’t believe they even realise what they have said or the tone in which it is said.

How wide is this fabric?

140 cms

What’s that in inches?

55 inches and showing her on the tape measure.

Can I look at it in daylight?

The fabric comes off the shelf, into a better lit area and unwound to look closely at it.

Now measure it and check it!

I measure in inches with a tape measure for her.

Oh yes, it is 55 inches!

Walking in the door and pointing to fabrics – How much are your cottons?

I run through various fabrics giving the prices and before I finish, she has already turned her back on me and walked down the end of the shop. I was totally ignored.

Customer asks if ok to leave her bag tucked in behind the counter while she has a browse round the shop.

Yes, that fine, tuck it in here.

Stood at counter (radio playing in background with the news being read) and after a few minutes i ask if she is ok browsing.

Yuk, talking about Boris (Johnson), how depressing, I cannot stay here! Picked up her bag, hoisting onto her shoulder, tutting and shaking her head aND she promptly walks out the shop.

Customer comes in to buy a tape measure and gets to the counter and has no money or card on her to purchase and said she will pop home for money and then proceeds to ask about workshops. Then asks if she can borrow a tape measure. She proceeds to tuck herself in a corner and asks me to jot down a measurement for her…………………….12 measurements later and she informs me she is looking to buy a skintight top from Germany and needed to know her measurements prior to ordering!!

Oh, I didn’t know you were here

Where are you from (we do get a lot of holiday makers)?

I’m from (naming the local place). I’m making an advent calendar for my daughter and its already cost me £35 and I’ve still to finish it. Proceeds to come behind the counter to look at some we have on display and see how pockets are made.

Why don’t you buy a panel and use just the pockets to finish what you have made?

No, Ive spent enough already. Do you have felt?

Yes and point out where its located and tell her they are in A4 size cuts.

I only want 2 inch squares, do you have any?


Do you sell it by the metre?

Yes, but even cutting it you would end up with more left over than buying the precut.

Do you have silver ribbon?

Yes. Direct her to it.

You have every size I do not want! I want ½ inch.

I walk over and find the ½ inch.

But that’s not the ½ inch I want!

Do you have numbered buttons?

Point out where these are. She wants them to sew onto the advent pockets.

30 minutes later she is telling me how glad she is finding this shop and that she no longer needs to travel to Devon (!) for her supplies and walks out the door with nothing.

Two ladies looking at the self-striping yarn we have for sale and oooing and ahhing over it. So, I get the tea cosy sample to show them how it knits up………….

One of them looks me straight in the eye and snaps,

That’s all very well but who uses a teapot these days!

How much is this fabric?

£14 a metre

Do you have any with sheep on?

We did, I will go and check for you. No sorry it looks to have all been sold.

I do not want this £14.00 fabric. Do you have any fabric for £3 or £4?

No sorry we don’t. Only if you buy a fat quarter or a cut length will you get any at that price.

I only want if for hammocks for my rats!!

I’ve been hunting everywhere for a 3.5mm crochet hook, do you have one?

Yes. I go and get one and hand to her.

I’m not paying that price (£3), I can get a whole set for that amount!

Do you have any balls of cotton?

Yes, I will show you where they are.

I’m making Christmas baubles, so only want small balls.

Showed her the different yarns available at 50g sizes (good make) and tell her the prices of each.

Oh No, Ive looked online and they at £1 a ball, yours are far to expensive!!

Customer comes up to the counter with a bolt of fabric.

Can you write down the information on the selvage edge for me.

This I do, thinking she wants to keep a record of it in case she runs out and gets rid of the info before taking it down. I hand her the info.

That’s great, I can now find it on the web!!

Customer comes in and asks for a particular fabric, I walk out from the counter and tell her to follow me and I’ll show her, as we start walking her phones rings, she pulls out her bag, answers and walks out the door she came in and starts a conversation to whoever is on the end and walks off, leaving me showing no one the way!